Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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