just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
