Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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