Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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