is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
