watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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