My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
