my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
