I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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