he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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