I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
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My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
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She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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