Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize