I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
