i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Sober January is a disaster.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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