please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
