i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It's blow job season.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
