yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
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I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
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I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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