I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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