I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
