soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
