Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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