I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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