I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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