he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
