NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
