OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
