also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
