mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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