ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
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The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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