Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
