i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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