Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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