He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This baby is an asshole
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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