The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
