Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
