you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
This is the high leading the old right now
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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