Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
