Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
