Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
