dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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