I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
