did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
