I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Randomize
