thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
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I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime