two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.