just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.