I cut my penus on the lid.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
