Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
