New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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