I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
