i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
