If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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