Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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