it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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