I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
