I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
In America we eat man semen.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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