What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
