Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
