HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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