Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
