I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
