in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
