The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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