Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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