As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
